Glasshoughton Welfare 1-6 Darlington 1883

So, after no midweek game this week, my pre-season continued at a new ground! As myself along with Ginge, Robbo & Ayesha paid a trip to Glasshoughton Welfare for there home game with Darlington 1883.


The day began with a meet up with the three at Bradford Forster Square before progressing onto Leeds in which Ayesha announced that her Auntie had called her dumb because she didn't think the Olympics were live because, and I quote "No idiot rows at 9 in a Morning!" Well, they do when it's the Olympics games. Then, while in Leeds decided to go get some munch, this is where the fun & laughter began after reviewing Wednesday nights activities when we laughed my pathetic excuse of 'cousins' of Facebook.

After doing an Olympic steeplechase down to Subway, we changed our mind & dodged our way back to KFC where in a desperate attempt to get a table, Ayesha threw her bag onto a table just as a man was about to sit there, this man wasn't happy & continued to give Ayesha dead eyes throughout the meal but this didn't bother her as she made a new friend, who was quite possibly the happiest KFC employee of all time & in a surprise twist... He was English!


So, after fighting with the ticket gates & a quick jog across the footbridge over the train station we found ourselves in the lift in which Ginge started messing with heads & bouncing making the  lift bounce with him, the train conductor & Ayesha had looks of pure terror on there faces as we boarded the train to Glasshoughton.


After a pretty un-eventful train journey in which the only highlight was Ayesha forming a new friend in the train conductor we arrived at Glasshoughton, where something happened which would scar Ayesha & Robbo for laugh... They had to face there fears & cross the bridge leading from the Train Station to Xscape! 


So, after crossing this hurdle we found ourselves outside of Xscape & after a quick photo op & failed attempt to get on the kids rides outside, Ayesha decided she wanted a Tango Blast & we found ourselves running round Junction 32 trying to find her this little delight but we were un-successful & headed off into Glasshoughton to find the ground.


After getting into Glasshoughton & passing the many, many Chinese take away & restaurants (The place was over run with them!) we finally found the little ground & after a quick photo op & forcefully dragging Robbo away from the cricket, we headed through the turnstile & into the little home of Glasshoughton Welfare after a little chuckle at the fact they'd announced the day of the game as Saturday 28th August when it was Saturday 28th July.


In the ground with drinks bought & a place on the terrace secured, Ayesha went back into the old habit of one of her favourite past times... Ogling over the 'fit' players, mainly Darlington 1883's Asian Twins but after this & winding up one of the Darlington 1883 substitutes, the sides came out & the game got under way... Shortly after the realisation that one of the linesman on show was the one & only Rod Stewart! He was too focused on us than his job & this showed when he tripped over the net much to the crowds amusement. 


Darlington were quickest out the blocks & showed this when Amar Purewal came close to a goal but could only find the side netting. They dominated for the opening ten minutes with Adam Nicholls running the game down the right wing & the first goal came as a result of his dominance. He cut inside & his shot which was deflected, falling to Shaun Reay on the edge of the six yard box, who neatly tucked the ball past the goalkeeper.

The Darlo strike force of David Dowson and Shaun Reay proved far too much to deal with for the home side, with Reay having an opportunity to double his tally when Dowson laid the ball off to him on the edge of the area but his deflected shot could only find its way into the keeper’s arms. Dowson continued to be a problem for the hosts & found himself with a opportunity to make it two when he latched on to Reay’s through ball and forced a good stop from the keeper but could only fire the rebound over.

Shaun Reay doubled the visitors lead when a ball from Adam Nicholls found its way to Stephen Harrison who drilled in a cross for the forward who side footed accurately into the bottom right corner.

The hosts gave themselves the possibility of a comeback when Kingsley Weatherald made the took advantage of a Taxi! by Darlington 1883 keeper Chris Porter, nicking the ball of his foot & managing to squeeze the ball in from a tight angle. It didn’t take long though for Shaun Reay to kill of the comeback when he finished with power after some hold up play by his striker partner. The half time whistle followed shortly after.

Half time was an un-eventful affair with the exception of Robbo & myself going onto the pitch to join in the Darlo subs warm up, so onto the second half.

The teams came out for the second half with Rod Stewart deciding to avoid us with the visitors making some changes. Sadly for Ayesha, Amar Purewal had to be taken off as he was on the receiving end of a late challenge which left him unable to carry on. The lad looks a very promising prospect!

Darlington started the second half the same way they ended the first when half time substitute, Steven Johnson scoring within two minutes of the beginning of the second half. Ten minutes later he doubled his tally when he latched onto a misplaced clearance and finished from outside the box. 

Darlington's Fifth Goal caused an argument between the hosts Goalkeeper & his captain JC, JC didn't like the fact I'd pointed out that the keeper wasn't to blame but replied with "I hate this keeper, I'll piss on him in shower!" Much to the amusement of the crowd & mainly myself, Ayesha, Ginge & Robbo!

Then, something of beauty happened on the pitch as Chris Emms produced the best move of the match, when he chipped through the ball perfectly to Johnson’s feet who expertly took the ball round the keeper, leaving himself an open goal to pass the ball into & joining Shaun Reay in getting a match ball in the progress.

Glasshoughton did every now & again managed to gain some possession from a rampant Darlo they struggled to break through the defence due solid performances from centre-back Gary Brown and veteran Sean Gregan. 

The game ended with Welfare finally troubling the Darlo ball & after finding out we hadn't won the raffle, we headed back to the train station & finally home.

And of course, Chapman's They're Down To Nine:
Was it worth the money? Of course! New ground visited & banterous day out!

Glasshoughton Welfare MOTM - JC - Just for the banter he provided, that's how bad Glasshoughton Welfare were I'm afraid!

Darlington 1883 MOTM - Shaun Reay - Ran the show in the first half & Daron did miss him in the second half despite there continued dominance! 
Quote of the Match - "I hate this keeper, I'll piss on him in the shower!" - JC isn't impressed with the man between the sticks!
Chant of the Match - The only chant of the entire game was "Darlo, Darlo!" So it has to go to that.

FB Status of the Match - very good day with my big bro, big sis and 'ginge' lots and lots of banter!:P imma go piss on him in the shower, not the kinda thing i would want as a goalkeeper but yeah J.C is gonna give him it:L thanks for a good day guys:) - Robbo's Views on the Day!

Tweet of the Match - The defensive horror continues for the hosts, Glasshoughton Welfare 1-5 Darlington 1883 - This Tweet got the most re-tweets so it wins.
Referee Watch - Unaware of his name but he had a quiet game with not much to do.

FATWATCH - The Darlo fan with the club that would never die shirt on. 

Tadcaster Albion 1-7 Bradford City

So, Pre Season Game Four & the Bantams are back in action!


The trip to the North Yorkshire Brewery Town began early afternoon at Carribob's where I met up with our resident train spotter & the 'bald one' who is Carribob's father, and my Grandfather.


So, there we were in the car en route to Tadcaster discussing the previous night's rugby between Leeds Rhinos & Bradford Bulls & our hopes for the upcoming football season & our views on City's new signings but this died shortly after Otley, so, we decided to have a little bit of a laugh.


As we entered the country roads heading up towards Tadcaster there was a lot & I mean a lot of Cyclists so being the sort of lad I am, I shouted some encouragement from the car window to the Cyclists as we passed. Some looked happy, others look pissed but eventually we arrived at Tadcaster.


After a quick meet up (and a cheeky cuddle & kiss) with Ayesha, me & Carribob headed off through town to find our way to 2inspire Park, home of Tadcaster Albion.


Me & Carribob found our way eventually to the ground after a bit of a walk around & after a quick conversation with Rocky Balboa himself, Jon McLaughlin, we headed into the ground & took a position ahead of the game.


We found a good spot, next to the players tunnel & were soon joined by Lenny, Rhino Pete, Pete's Dad & the ultimate 'playa' himself Alberto!


After another conversation regarding the previous night's egg chasing action, the City First Half XI came out to warm up & we were greeted by a cheeky smile & a giggle from Messi himself... Will Atkinson! Then after a quick clearing of the Welcome sign it was the moment we'd all been waiting for... City were back in action!


After firing wide moments earlier from some good work down the right wing, the goal machine Ross Hannah lobbed the home sides keeper to break the deadlock & give the Bantams an early lead. City then had no luck in the following twenty minutes with Messi's cleared shot the only real chance for the visitors.


Then in the twenty-ninth minute, City doubled there advantage when Andrew Davies shot from twenty yards out following a corner bobbled over the unfortunate Tadcaster keeper. The keepers afternoon got worse just four minutes later when after bringing down Ross Hannah in the box, he could do nothing to prevent the goal machine tucking home to grab his second & City's third.


City would head into the half time break with a 4-0 lead after just two minutes from the penalty, Youth Team star Forrayah Bass did some fantastic work down the left flank before a floating cross from trialist Anthony McNamee was headed home off the post by James Hanson.


At half time, a steward gave me & Albert permission to go onto the field after City's Second Half XI warmed up & the First Half XI warmed down. 


So, we went onto the field of play & took a jog round to the dugout areas in order to grab some photographs with some of the First Half XI including our favourite, Will 'Messi' Atkinson & in the process discovered that goalscoring wasn't the only one of Ross Hannah's talents! He's handy with a camera too! And, after a jog across the pitch to re-take our positions, the second half got under way.


But, then some random man came over Rhino Pete's shoulder to my face & came out with "Don't be a cunt, it took us four weeks to clear that pitch & we don't need you little bastards running all over it!" Well I was outraged! As was Rhino Pete who for a period we thought was going to deck this particular individual! No worries, as Kyel Reid pointed out, the pitch was shit anyway!


So, the second half got away & the new City XI got into the routine early on with Nahki Wells firing home past the hapless Tadcaster Goalkeeper to but the visitors into a 5-0 lead! But during this we came across some interesting news, City Second Half Centre Back Christophe Lowinsky is a possible future signing! A City director dropped the ball that we are in negotiations with Marseille over a transfer free for the French Under-19 International.


The referee got in on the fun too! After a decision went against the hosts, Tadcaster's shrimp of a number seven kicked the ball away in anger & in a situation in which a ref would usually produce a yellow this one didn't... He simply made the dry your eyes mate gesture much to the amusement of the crowd.


A rather familiar face was walking round the ground & it was believed to be City's new signing Alan Connell! So, myself & Albert went & got ourselves a picture with the lad... It has since turned out it wasn't Alan Connell, the new signing wasn't even at the game! Egg on Face Moment Much?


Back on the pitch however, City's dominance saw Kyel Reid take a shot which took a cruel deflection into the back of the net in order to but the visitors into a 6-0 lead! And after a worldy of a save from Super Jonny Mac, Tadcaster got themselves a consolation goal. A defence mix up between Lowinsky & Meredith allowed Danny Gray to get the ball & nick it in over a diving Jonny Mac to blemish City's record.


The ref got back into the fun, jokingly putting Ritchie Jones into a headlock for disputing a decision.


But, the six goal advantage was restored with the final goal of the game when another star of the Youth Team Louis Swain headed home with some power a cross from Kyel Reid.


Nothing to report from the quick journey home so this is where the day came to an end.


City First Half XI Ratings:
Matt Duke - 6 - Had nothing to do, only troubling effort was straight at him.
Michael Boateng - 8 - The trialist Right Back is an absolute tank! Put in a awesome shift & his understanding with Messi & Gary Jones was very impressive!
Andrew Davies - 8 - Showed why we longed for him on a permanent deal all summer! Nothing was getting past this rock!
Rory McArdle - 7 - Made some good defence clearances & put in a decent shift at the back!
Forrayah Bass - 8 - The Youth Team star put in an awesome shift at left back, looking forward to seeing more of this young lad!
Will 'Messi' Atkinson - 8 - Played some good passes & had a fantastic understanding with Gary Jones & Michael Boateng. Played a key role in the first half & showed improvement from last season.
Gary Jones - 9 - The summer signing ran the show in the first half, grabbing an assist & playing a key part in the 45 minute massacre of the hosts. 
Tom Taiwo - 8 - The trialist & Gary Jones controlled the middle of the park & he has an eye for a pass. Hope we agree compensation with Carlisle for the lad! 
Anthony McNamee - 6 - With the exception of his assist for Hanson's goal offered nothing to the game for me personally.
James Hanson - 8 - Won every header & grabbed himself a goal to! 
Ross Hannah - 9 - The Goal Machine is back & how! Everything he touched turned into goals & he was running the defence wild! 


City Second Half XI Ratings:
Jon McLaughlin - 6 - Pulled out saves when needed, shame he conceded.
Javan Vidal - 5 - Forgot he was on the pitch to be honest.
Luke Oliver - 6 - Had very little to do but came good when called upon.
Christophe Lowinsky - 6 - Shame about the mistake for the Tadcaster goal but like Oliver came good when called upon.
James Meredith - 6 - Had a solid game shame about the mistake he made for the Tadcaster goal.
Adam Baker - 9 - MOTM - The lad is my Man of the Match. He tore the right flank of the pitch apart, the left back & left wing of Tadcaster couldn't handle him, he got an assist, he had plenty of efforts of his own on goal, didn't do anything wrong. Extremely looking forward to see him break into the first team! 
Ricky Ravenhill - 6 - Very quiet afternoon from the City skipper but played some good passes during the second half.
Ritchie Jones - 7 - Played some awesome passes throughout the second half & ran the middle of the park but did let his guard down once or twice.
Kyel Reid - 8 - Run the left wing ragged all half, got himself a goal & a assist in this very impressive shift.
Louis Swain - 8 - The Youth Team star had a very impressive afternoon. Caused the centre back problems all half, got himself a goal & won over some new fans!
Nahki Wells - 7 - Grabbed a goal early on in the second half & played some good football.


And of course, Chapman's XI:
Was it worth the money? Of course! New ground visited & the Bantams run riot!

Tadcaster Albion MOTM - Scott Pallister - The poor keeper had all the work to do, shame about the seven goals he shifted...

Bradford City MOTM - Adam Baker - The lad is my Man of the Match. He tore the right flank of the pitch apart, the left back & left wing of Tadcaster couldn't handle him, he got an assist, he had plenty of efforts of his own on goal, didn't do anything wrong. Extremely looking forward to see him break into the first team! 

Quote of the Match - "So, there I was & then I felt this hand on my bum... It was only a bloke in drag!" - A fan nearby leaves everyone with some food for thought!
Chant of the Match - "Hey, we just signed you & this is crazy, but your Will Ako, you play like Messi!" - We show our appreciation to the man known as Messi!

FB Status of the Match - This Ref is class! Loving It! Mocking Tadcaster's Number 7 for throwing strops all game! 7-1 City, Louis Swain of the Youth Team scoring for the Bantams! - I reflect on the Referee.

Tweet of the Match -  @AlastairBCAFC Just got into an argument with there chairman because steward let me on pitch #Cunt - I vent my frustrations at our annoying person from earlier.
Referee Watch - Adam Madely - Was up for a laugh & a bit of banter! Didn't make any mistakes & got it spot on too!

FATWATCH - Not because he's fat but because he's a prick. Yes, it's Tadcaster Chairman!

Hemsworth Miners Welfare 1-4 Parkgate

So, here we are again! Pre Season, Game Three. As the 10th & 9th tiers of the English game collided in a hell-raising affair! As the woman behind us politely put it "I thought this was a friendly!"


After being stuck inside Leeds train station for half an hour waiting for the arrival of Ben, I found myself in a rather tricky situation, a woman who looked freakishly liked my own Mother kept eyeing me up. Luckily for me as I got ready to run, Ben arrived & we headed off to Fitzwilliam for this Non League battle.


On the train there we had a bit of De Ja Vu from Saturday. A young lady plonked herself next to Ben on the train & I'll say it again Ben... It does not mean they fancy you! Before this though a young man came on the train & in sync we burst out into stitches & in sync again said "It's Adam of Big Brother!" There was a freakish similarity. The only other thing from the train journey there is the train drivers door flying open & taking an unfortunate lad out!


So upon arrival at Fitzwilliam, one thing went through mine & Ben's minds... What a dump! Now where do we go? 


Where we did go took longer than it should have, first of all we went to a quaint little chippy called the Jolly Fryer. £1.40 for a Chip Butty & Can of Coke... Bargain! We then progressed up a little track to a locked gate, then round the back to another lock gate before walking onto a little cul-de-sac to the wall of the ground before eventually finding our way up past the cricket pitch to the ground.


After getting to the lovely little ground & taking it in, me & Ben had a chuckle at the lad who collapsed with cramp during the warm up & proceeded to take our places for the game ahead.


Now, the first 90 seconds of this tasty affair set the toll for the match ahead with two violent two footed tackles & a worldy of a safe from the Parkgate keeper. It would only get tastier & more hot headed as the game progressed.


The Hemsworth striker can tell us what he thought of the next challenge with his choice of words. "It's an over the ball challenge, you fucking bastard!" This didn't go down to well, with Hemworth's answer to Guy Branston threatening to deck every man in sight!


Hemsworth took advantage of the situation with Lee Dawson showing us all his Jack Rodwell beating the Parkgate keeper to give the home side an early lead. It didn't last long though, as in one of Parkgate's next attacks, Oliver Graham get the ball from distance & shoot from distance with a nick of the Hemsworth defender wrong footing the keeper & bringing the visitors level.


Then, the tensions boiled over something major. Hemsworth's answer to Guy Branston went flying in & caught Parkgate's number 7, the Parkgate player didn't take this too nicely & stomped on him which caused Hemsworth's lad to jump up & kick off a near every player on the pitch scrap & the Ref was quite close to getting involved himself!


Just moments later, we were off again as Parkgate's Number 6 lunged in & took out Hemsworth's midfielder & outraged by the obvious call from the ref went up to the Ref & began pushing & shoving & swearing right in his face which prompted the linesman to turn round to the crowd & say "If he spoke to me like he just talked to ref, I'd have twatted him with an elbow to face!" The woman behind then popped up with "I thought this was a friendly!" This was anything but a friendly!


Other than Parkgate's many, many wild attempts that was the end of the first half of this not so friendly, friendly.


Half time, myself & Ben found ourselves joining in the Parkgate subs warm up on the pitch, good laugh & an experience before realising that former Macclesfield Town Manager Gary Simpson was sat on the Parkgate bench, he has been appointed as Director of Football to help & supervise the visitor's new manager who is still in his 20's!


The second half got away & it took less than two minutes for Gary Johnson to fired home cooly from short range to put the visitors into the lead for the first time in the game. It showed that man who relegated a 'un-relegatable' side last season has an effect a mere five divisions before the bright lights on Npower League Two!


Just around 15 minutes later, Josh Hemmingway got headed the ball home from a wonderful free kick from the edge of the area past the hapless keeper between the Hemsworth posts to put the visitors into a 3-1 lead, killing the game off as a contest.


Another near every player on the pitch scrap induced by Hemsworth's Guy Branston saw him & a player from the visiting side booked & both swiftly substituted shortly after before a shot from Joel Purkiss saw the Hemsworth keepers forgettable evening a full strength nightmare with the man between the sticks dropping the shot into the back of his goal to put the visitors 4-1 up & minutes later the game was brought to an end.


The train journey home only had one highlight, the stench of Ben's feet! It was vile! So, after going our separate ways at Leeds Train Station the evening came to a close.


And of course, Chapman's XI:
Was it worth the money? Could Non League Day Out at a very warm & welcoming ground, yes it was.

Hemsworth Miners Welfare MOTM - Probably there Number 10, only player who offered anything to the game.

Parkgate MOTM - Another Number 10, the lad was absolutely awesome throughout! Could do it at a higher level!
Quote of the Match - Linesman: " If he spoke to me like he just talked to ref, I'd have twatted him with an elbow to face!" 
Chant of the Match - There was none, not one.

FB Status of the Match -  Such a good night with Josh Chapman at Hemsworth. Ended up 4-1 to Parkgate, but both teams played decent stuff. Also found out Gary Simpson is now assistant manager of Parkgate and the Linesman's comment that he'd 'twat (the abusive player) with a swift elbow' was brilliant - Ben reflects on the evening!

Tweet of the Match - None really stand out, so there is none.
Referee Watch - Don't know the lad's name but he was thrown in at the deep end, his linesman had the right idea though!

FATWATCH - The gentleman who has a resemblance to Andie Higginson get's it for this one!

Morecambe 1-4 Everton

So, it's game two of pre-season 2012. Morecambe v Everton in the Jim Bentley Testimonial Game at the Globe Arena. 


The day began on a warmish platform at Keighley Train Station & with the steam of the Worth Valley rushing through my hair, I boarded the train to be greeted by the familiar face of Ben & Doughnut as well as the ugly mug of Carribob! I was also introduced to Doughnut's newest of train friends, the man known as Jelavic! (No, not that one!)


Just one stop into the train ride to Morecambe at Skipton, a good friend of mine Paddy was on another platfom readying himself for a train back towards Keighley & decided to give me a ring! In which he told me that his quiet drink in Keighley ended up with him waking up hungover in Skipton the following Morning... Haven't we all done this at one point or another!


Anyways, the reason I've mentioned this on the blog is because of a drama caused by the phone call! I politely told Paddy on the phone that him & his friend looked 'fucked' which didn't go down to well with a gentleman aboard the train!


This gentleman began to lecture me telling me how he'd had enough (I'd only swore once) & how I should show some manners, he's one to talk! I was still on the phone during this lecture! Talk about rude! Ben & Doughnut did the only thing they could, put there heads in there hands & chuckle away to themselves!


As the journey to Morecambe progressed, we moved away from this gentleman to the back of the carriage & had an uneventful journey, well that was until we got to Carnforth where Carribob eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas with the vast amount of old trains on show at the station! Well, it's normal for Carribob but what happened with our newest train friends at Lancaster was something different!


One of the two Birthday Boys from the next carriage came up to say hello, he was an Everton fan from Keighley! The fact the toilet was out of use due to being in the station was going down to well but in the end it turned out that his friend had decided to take a snooze in there! To say these lads were a tad wankered is an understatement! 


As we left Lancaster, the other half of the Birthday Boys came up to say hello! This one had been on his corner shop Polish Vodka & was talking some garbage but the majority of it was hilarious! He started off with Carribob, banging on about how quiet he was but once you see the Armani glasses, you think Respect! 

Next, it was Doughnut's turn! After insulting him by calling him a 'Ginner' he then proceeded to take his Coca Cola Cherry & spike it (Okay spiking is a little strong because we consented but still he's only 14!) with his corner shop Polish Vodka!


Upon arrival at Morecambe & avoiding pretty much all contact & conversation with the Officers of the Law, I began to enjoy Doughnut's new drink. Now, Ben & Doughnut who are not use to alcohol of any kind took a sip. Me & Carribob were in stitches at the reaction! It took Ben only thirty seconds to start moaning his stomach was burning & Doughnut complaining he felt sick!


So, after a walk through the seaside town & a brief visit to Morecambe Dan's Caravan Park to pick up mine & Carribob's ticket we headed over to the Globe Arena for the game!


After a quick trip to the club shop & welcoming the Everton team of the coach, we went our separate ways as Ben & Doughnut headed into the Everton end & myself & Carribob headed off to the Morecambe end! En route I was conned out of a Polo by a Police Horse but we got there eventually!


After a quick purchase of food as we were starving, we headed onto the terracing in order to find a good spot for the game which we did, just to the left of the goal. I was stood by the advertisement hoarding & this little scouse voice came out of nowhere... "What you twos doing here?" It was only Robbie Threlfall & it's always nice to be remembered!


So, after a five minute catch up with Robbie T, in which we discussed why me & Carribob turned up at the game, City's signings & chances for the upcoming season & Morecambe's signings & chances for the upcoming season, we parted ways as Robbie headed off to get ready for the match which we kept getting politely reminded was delayed by fifteen minutes due to the late arrival of the Everton team coach.


So, after a five minute standing ovation for Jim Bentley the game finally got under way.


Everton with first teamers Jack Rodwell, Seamus Coleman, Sylvain Distin, Leon Osman & Victor Anichebe in the starting eleven with more first teamers on the bench, Everton looked like a side who was going to control the game from the very start & this they did.


Ten minutes into the game, an Everton corner was poorly cleared by the Morecambe defence & was punished in some style. Exciting Everton midfielder Francisco Junior got hold of the ball from 25 yards & smashed the ball throw the crowd of players within the box & pass a hapless Barry Roche. However, Morecambe argued for offside against Apostolos Vellios who was doing his shoelaces up behind the last defender & in front of the keeper but was let off as he did not interfere with play. 


Morecambe nearly equalised but Lewis Alessandra was foiled by the youngster in the Everton goal & from that point onwards the game was on a level playing field but with just under 10 minutes before the half time break, Leon Osman played a tidy pass through the Morecambe backline & the man at the centre of controversy of the first goal, Apostolos Vellios popped up & slotted home past Barry Roche to double the visitors lead.


Three minutes later, Leon Osman attempted a pass to Apsotolos Vellios & it took a knick of the Morecambe defence & fell to Jack Rodwell, who as cheekily as possible chipped the ball over Barry Roche, who by now was a very angry Barry Roche to send Everton into the half time break at the Globe with a 3-0 lead.


The second half in contrast was a dull affair, with nothing of note to mention until twenty minutes before the end when the big man Victor Anichebe getting the ball from 25 yards & smashing home to put the visitors into a 4-0 lead.


Everton substitution Shane Duffy was then hauled into a advertisement hoarding, injury his back & denting the hoarding in the process. But, the Morecambe faithful weren't going to let him off easily branding him 'soft' & 'puff' to which Duffy replied with a sneaky middle finger which incited the home terrace.


Robbie Threlfall fired just wide after a wicked curling effort taken from 30 yards out... on the sideline! But then, the man who the day was all about Jim Bentley was substituted on for a footballing moment I shall forever remember.


Tony Hibbert, who came on at half time for Everton played a purposely dodgy back pass to his goalkeeper which Jim Bentley conveniently intercepted but as he went to slot the ball in for a goal on his day the goalkeeper for the visitors clearly didn't get the message as he rushed out of the box & pulled of a fantastic save!


But, it was second time lucky as Tony Hibbert stopped the entire Everton side & allowed Izak Reid to square the ball across the box to Jim Bentley in order to get a goal on his day & get his side a consolation but once again the goalkeeper didn't get the message! He first of all began to scream & shout at his defence who just giggled out of knowing the message didn't get back to him, before he then proceeded to scream & shout at the linesman for missing the obvious offside... Then the penny dropped! He realised that it was set up for Bentley to score! Finally!


The game was then brought to an end to a rapture of applause & singing.


So, me & Carribob headed out to meet out with Ben & Doughnut & we made the walk back to Morecambe train station. However, with bellies rumbling & the Leeds train delayed by a long time we headed to Lancaster in order to grab some munch & hop aboard the Leeds train, at last we were home!


This is where it got funny. After meeting up with Jelavic (No, not that one) again on the train, a girl a few seats back engaged in a phone conversation with her friend & said "Loads of stupid football fans on the train!" This did not go down well & it got worse when it was revealed as the female version of Ellis! By God this girl was ugly!


But, her friend sat down next to Ben & Ben's eyes lit up like Carribob's near the trains earlier. Now, I've got a message for Ben at this point... Just because a random girl sits next to you does not mean she fancies you! Right, but this munter quickly regretted the decision to move closer to us as we began singing our hearts out with every Everton chant under the sun!


But, as this girl didn't get the clue that her mates on the phone didn't want to speak to her as they kept over & over again putting the phone down on her & over & over again she called back. At this moment I'll give the phone call recipients a mention, Hey Dexter & Devon! We continued with the Everton chants & two people didn't get the message.


First of all was the Train Conductor, who asked if we knew we were on the Leeds train & not the Morecambe one, well there was a train full of Everton fans what put an end to this non-sensical question. The second one was a woman from the back of the train who asked for us to realise we're on a train & to 'stop acting like hooligans' to which Doughnut responded "Fuck off you slag!" Well there's only so much you can do eh? Haha!


Sadly, half way home the fun & games stopped as our phone call phenomenon friends departed the train & we were bored with nothing to do. So, we began with the Everton sing song again! Which our new conductor from Skipton onwards didn't appreciate.


So, I got off the train in Keighley & this newest adventure came to an end! Awesome finish to an awesome day! All together now lads... I'm glad to be home!'8


And of course, Chapman's XI:
Was it worth the money? It was so worth the money! A day out with the lads I will truly never forget!

Morecambe MOTM - I should say Jim Bentley giving it was his day but the only Morecambe player who offered anything to the game was the ex-Bantam himself... Robbie Threlfall!

Everton MOTM - Francisco Junior gets it for me, the young Portugese talent was influential throughout & is most definitely one for the future!
Quote of the Match - Female Ellis: "Can you stupid boys please shut up!" Doughnut: "I'll shut up when you go see a Dentist!"
Chant of the Match - "You're so shit it's unbelievable" - The reason this classic gets it is because Morecambe fans were singing towards Tony Hibbert as a sarcastic appreciation to his deliberate back pass in order to set up Jim Bentley!

FB Status of the Match -   Me & Carribob are stood behind Morecambe goal, then a little Scouse bloke runs over two us & greets us with “What are you twos doing here?” Its only Robbie T! He's small, he's scouse, he'll probably rob your house!'8 - I give recognition to Robbie T's polite Hello!

Tweet of the Match -  Jim Bentley comes on for the last few minutes in his final game in a Morecambe shirt. A lifelong Blue, he receives a warm welcome. - Everton recognise the Morecambe Manager in the only way they know how. Announcing him as a lifelong Evertonian!
Referee Watch - Jeremy Simpson - Had a solid game but was let down throughout by his linesman!

FATWATCH - It was his day, but Jim Bentley has well & truly packed the pounds on since his retirement! 

Mossley 0-3 Oldham Athletc

So, the Football season is drawing closer & closer. 


The post European Championships eleven day withdrawal syndromes were cured with a trip to the district of Great Manchester to take in another non-league ground & a game of football. Mossley playing host to City's 2011/12 JPT conquerors Oldham Athletic.


The trip to this non-league subrurbia began with a meet up in Leeds Train Station with the bottle of charisma that is Doughnut. Everything the lad does & says is a touch of comedic genius. 


So, after a trip to McDonalds in which Doughnut left behind his bag of minstrels, we boarded the first train to DB's Territory. Upon getting on the train Doughnut made a new friend, sadly for him this new friend spent most of the train journey asleep.


Ben joined us as he boarded the train in Morley, this was when 'Ticketgate' began. Ben asked for a child's return to Huddersfield, when he was asked the question all over the age of 12 fear. "Where's your half fare pass?" Ben sunk in his seat as the moment of realization hit him, he's going to have pay for an adult return!


Upon arrival at Huddersfield, Ben made a mad dash to the ticket office to get himself a child's return in fear of being charged adult on the train to Mossley! After another mad dash back across Huddersfield Station (Let's be honest, Me & Doughnut can't be doing with all this running!) we hopped aboard the train to Mossley. 


An un-eventful train journey later & we rolled into the quaint little town of Mossley, at this point, Ben broke the news. Me & Doughnut were going to have to climb up two of the steepest hills possibly in Britain. Despite our Gladiator efforts, Doughnut collapsed at the top of the first one as myself & Ben powered up the second one.


Then, to make matters worse we walked through a park & ended up down the back of the stadium behind walls & barbed wire covered fences, so we turned back & eventually found our way to Seel Park, home of Mossley.


Then, we came across the most complex turnstile situation in football. We went to the turnstile to be told "This is adults only lads, you'll have to go to the turnstiles at the other end." Off we went, to be told "It's not this turnstile I'm afraid." So, as Ben lost his cool & just barged through the turnstile, a steward opened a main gate for myself & Doughnut to head through.


Upon being greeted by a smartly dressed gentlemen selling the matchday programmes, now it's a fact I love my programmes, but for the 8th tier of the English game. This was better than most at League Two & Blue Square level. 


When then progressed down into the club shop, it was more of a little concrete shed but the young staff came across as a friendly bunch & Ben's excitement was similar to my little brother's when Fireman Sam comes onto the telly as he saw the vast amount of merchandise available! 


Whilst in the club shop we were greeted by a very familiar face, it was Joe! For those who don't know who Joe is, he's Joseph Gibbons who is in fact a Bolton Wanderers fan & a friend of ours & the blog!


As Joe enjoyed Ben's little kind in a sweet shop moment, I purchased two Manchester City programmes & a club pennant & proceeded on a walk round the ground to the other net, where we would be stood for the duration of the game.


Now, before the match got under way there was the next controversial moment of the day, 'Ballgate'. During the warm up, one of Lee Croft (Who was kind enough to pose for a picture) free kicks when flying over the hedge at the back of the terrace into a school, so Ben being the sort of opportunist he is stepped back & allowed me to jump the fence & the collect the ball for him to then take home following barrying the whole of the Oldham Athletic coaching set up.


So, after being introduced to Joe & Aaron who are friend of Joseph's, the teams came out for the match & following a minutes silence in remembrance for the young life tragically lost in the Shaw Gas Explosion the game got under way.


Mossley came out all guns blazing & looked like causing Oldham real trouble in the game with a couple of early efforts, all the early Mossley possession allowed Doughnut to engage in some friendly banter with the Mossley keeper who was more than happy to join in, the story of the Oldham keeper will be told later.


But as I went for a hot dog, I took a glance over my shoulder to see one of the softest penalties to be awarded in the game of football as Oldham midfielder James Tarkowski threw himself to the ground, conning the linesman & ref in the process. Robbie Simpson then smashed home from the spot to break the deadlock & give the visitors a 1-0 lead.


The score was kept at 1-0 after the Mossley keeper pulled of a wonder save from one of the trialists in the Oldham attack before Oldham saw out the rest of the first half with a game of keep ball, to such a standard even Barcelona would of been impressed! 


During this dominance, I progressed round the ground to get myself a photograph with current Latics captain & ex-Bantam Dean Furman! Dean was very friendly & engaged in a conversation with myself & Doughnut about his time with the Bantams & how much he'd like to return to VP one day!


The first half came to a close with Doughnut knocking off a panel from the terracing to cheers & little kids going "He's broke the stand! He's broke the stand!"


As me & Doughnut discussed the first half with Hornswoggle the Ballboy, we ended up in a three man mission to protect Ben's newly stol... Acquired possession, the Oldham Athletic matchball as it came under invasion from a group of young Oldham fans. But, Ben being the opportunist he is was down in the Mossley changing rooms with the Joe's & Aaron. 


So, after more barrying we got full control of the much prized ball once again. The ballboy even lied to his supervisor in his effort to assist us, telling her he was un-aware of the ball in the bush.   The second half eventually got under way after a brand new Oldham XI completed there half time warm up, five minutes later than expected. 


Oldham had substituted there keeper, Dean Bouzanis replacing Alex Cisak with Doughnut not realising & shouting "Oi! Alex! Can we have a picture!" Bouzanis was clearly upset that a) He'd been called Alex & b) He's not the keeper we wanted! 

The second half began with Oldham doubling there lead as Matt Smith tucked away less than two minutes after the restart but the second half was the birthplace of a new rivalry, a rivalry which will drag on through the ages... Dean 'I'm not Alex' Bouzanis v James 'Doughnut' Leahy!


As, you've already read the rivalry began when Dean Bouzanis was confused to be Alex Cisak but Wow! No one could see what was coming! 


We kept trying to put Bouzanis off for banter, but this lad could not handle the banter as he got more & more agitated, swearing at us, mouthing off at us, before it all blew up!


Mossley had a shot which Bouzanis had fumbled much to our amusement before Mossley hit the ball wide & Doughnut collected the ball & threw it to Bouzanis & the Australian dropped the ball before the war of words! "What team do you support?" "A better one that what you play for mate!" "Fuck off you round headed fat twat!" As an Oldham fan started on Doughnut, I continued on with the abuse of this pathetic excuse of a goalkeeper. 


We then headed down to the train station to begin the journey home to Morley for Ben & further on for myself & Doughnut, missing Oldham Athletic's third goal in added time which was scored by Youssouff M'Changama.


The train journey home was un-eventful with just the usual post match chitter chatter as Ben proudly showed off his new possession, the boy has fallen in love with that ball!


And of course, Chapman's XI:
Was it worth the money? It was worth the money, mainly because it was an enjoyable evening & good night out with the lads.

Mossley MOTM - The Goalkeeper who played the majority of the game, pulled of some magnificent save to stop a humiliating defeat.

Oldham Athletic MOTM - Youssouff M'Changama - Looks a very promising midfielder & will make an impact this season in League One.
Quote of the Match -  Bouzanis: "What team do you support?" Doughnut: "A better one that what you play for mate!" Bouzanis: "Fuck off you round headed fat twat!"Fan of the Match - Not a fan, but the ballboy Hornswoggle! Lied in order to help us steal!
Chant of the Match - Mossley's version of We Love You! So bad, it was good!
FB Status of the Match -  Top night tonight at Mossley! Got ourselves some exercise & free football! Had a laugh & some top banter, especially with Oldham Athletic's keeper Dean Bouzanis! Got to go to a new ground & see Gibbo & Company! And best of all, talk to the man we should have fought tooth & nail to sign permanently... Dean Furman! - I reflect on the evening!
Tweet of the Match - @dbouzanis43 Can't handle the banter lad! - I make sure he shall forever remember us!
Referee Watch - Don't know his name, but he was awful. Was conned far too easily by the Oldham Athletic side throughout the game.

FATWATCH - Sadly there is none!

The Results Are In....

Our esteem judging panel: Joshua Chapman, Matthew Carrington, Ben Hall, Chris Wood, James Murtagh, James Leahy, Jordan Robinson, Marcus Hall, Conor Searle, Nathan Maclean & Jonny Brown. And, the results are in.


CHAPALAR FOOTBALL BLOG BRADFORD CITY PLAYER OF THE YEAR
Nahki Wells

FAN OF THE YEAR
Steve Gorringe

THE BLOG OF THE YEAR (DECIDED BY FIVE BLOGS WITH MOST VIEWS)
Bradford City 2-2 Bristol Rovers

MATCH OF THE YEAR
Northampton Town 1-3 Bradford City

COACH TRIP OF THE YEAR
Hereford United

GOAL OF THE SEASON
Nahki Wells v Rochdale (H)

GUY BRANSTON AWARD - BANTEROUS MOMENT OF THE SEASON
Hereford United (A) - Nick Kitchen's Banterous Day Out

QUOTE OF THE SEASON
Nick Kitchen - "Slamming the Lamb!"

GINGE & BEN AWARD - CHANT OF THE SEASON
"He plays on the left, he plays on the right, that boy Will Atkinson makes Messi look shite!"

MOMENT TO REMEMBER OF THE SEASON
Nick Kitchen serenading Holly Barker - Hereford Away

FOOD OF THE SEASON
Morecambe's Pasta Pot

THE PLAYER WE'D RATHER FORGET AWARD
Rob Kozluk

COMPARISON OF THE YEAR
Ben Hall & His Drum - Tinpot

LOVE AFFAIR OF THE YEAR
Nick Kitchen & Holly Barker


WIND UP OF THE YEAR
Ben, Grace & the Train Toilets

BEST NON CITY DAY OUT
Blackburn Rovers v Queens Park Rangers

THE OPPOSITION PLAYER WE LOVE TO HATE
Bilel Mohsni - Southend United

WHAT A DUMP THIS PLACE IS - WORST AWAY GROUND
Edgar Street - Hereford United

C&C&C ON TOUR AWARD - PHOTOGRAPH OF THE YEAR
All Smile for the Camera! - Hereford United (A)

THE CHAPLAR BLOG AWARD IN RECOGNITION OF BEING A TOP LAD
Matthew Carrington